St. Anger

My weekend in Oslo is drawing to an end. Still have a presentation to finish for tomorrow, so I'll be plugging away on that one into the late hours, but the social part is over. It's been a good couple of days, have seen a lot of people I rarely see, and laughed a lot.

I'm not in a very good mood this evening. It was kind of in the cards that this weekend would be a bit weird, and I'm not sure I handled it very well. There's an anger in me that is so deeply rooted I doubt it'll ever go away. It's the sort of anger that used to make me believe I could commit horrible errors of judgement and not face the consequences. "If people do not believe I am good I will make them pay by being the worst I can be." ways of thinking quickly leads you down paths you don't even want to be on, but you are so far gone you can't see how to get back. It even takes you to the point where you yourself believe it rules you and that you're not a good person. So you start thinking no people are good, and to not expect anything from anyone. And you end up hurting yourself, the ones you love, and it breaks your heart to look in the mirror.

I don't live by my anger anymore, but being back here kind of makes me remember what that was like. It wasn't very good, and I don't like to think about it. Maybe I've changed, but I still don't really have the guts to right the wrongs I once made. Might be it's not even possible in some cases. I have to believe it is, though, otherwise you will always be running. And that, friends and loved ones, I'm sick and tired of. So here's to making the right choices, saying "I'm sorry!", telling people you love them and to not be scared. Even though it opens you up to rejection.

Now, go tell someone you love them.