Is There Anybody Out There?

Today's topic is a blog post theme I have not explored in a while. Who are the readers of this blog? Some of you I know about (let's call you group A), and the room it gives me to tailor my contents soothes me a little and makes it more fun to blog as it works as a memory pad of sorts. We discuss things, I blog about them, and vice versa.

Then there are those of you that I know about, but that have not acknowledged the fact that you read my blog (you would be group B for the purpose of this exercise). You guys are harder to relate to, as you might actually not want me to know that you read the blog. Fortunately you form a small group, and I'll be very pleased the day you decide to drop me a comment and confirm your existence in my virtual sphere.

The last group (C), which is still by far the biggest one, consists of all the people I have no idea who are. You guys are the second most fun, as you often quite randomly stumble in and have no reason to expect anything from my ramblings. Some of you know me, some of you think you know me, some of you are complete strangers and come here looking for a good-looking picture of a gorgeous actress or reviews on Recipes for Disaster.

Why the return to this topic? Last night, during a spontaneous (and hilariously brilliant) girls' night out, Miia commented that she can't always follow my blog references to movies or books because she will rarely have heard of them, but that every once in a while something pops up that she recognizes. Also, she has seen some movie with Marilyn Monroe that I have not even heard of, so ten points and hats off to that :)

After this again, I got into a conversation where the following chain of events was revealed:
A couple of weeks ago I posted an entry in which I expressed no small amount of disappointment with myself on the personal development arena. It has since been taken down, as time sometimes allows me to remember that anger and resentment will only move me backwards and hence I should let it go. Before I removed it it was, however, read by some of the people mentioned above.

Two separate entities, let's call them B1 and C1 read said blog entry and felt a need to investigate as to the general state of affairs. To do so, they contacted a third party, let's call the person A1, who had not read the post, and I do not know if the three of them managed to get anywhere in their ponderings. Subsequently, as this apparently roused the curiosity of said A1, the chain was further prolonged to another one of my friends (A2), who then last night went on to mention all of this to the source of worry, myself.

Now, I have no problems understanding why such a complicated chain of people would come into existence, as people are better aqquainted with some people than others and are not always comfortable with asking questions if they think it will offend. It does, however, become rather weird for me once the chain is revealed. I mean, come on people! We're not passing notes around the class room anymore, and I don't want to start blogging undercover again :)

I'm fine. Someone I cared deeply about and still do has chosen a different path than I had anticipated, and although I am not ok with that nor will I ever be, it does not throw my entire existence off balance. I left my life in Oslo more than three years ago and have built a new one with new people, new memories and new behavioral patterns, and although I cannot rid myself of my ghosts I know how to live with them. If this particular ghost should at some point want to join that life, it will be welcomed with open arms. In the meantime, it is just a ghost that sometimes comes out to say "Boo!".

I would be so much happier if you after reading the blog posts that are about my day-to-day life would leave me a comment or send me an e-mail and let me know you're out there and thinking of me every once in a while than I am by knowing you worry without being comfortable enough to contact me. I've already accumulated enough bad karma through the years, so no bad worry-vibes please :)

"Woke up this morning and my head was in a daze.
A brave new world has dawned upon the human race,
where words are meaningless and everything's surreal.
Gonna have to reach my friends to find out how I feel.

And if I taste the honey is it really sweet?
And do I eat it with my hands or with my feet?
Does anybody really listen when I speak,
or will I have to say it all again next week?"
Shakespears Sister - Hello (Hormonally Yours, 1992)