Shape The Pain Into Something Great

September was closed with a vengeance, and man, I must say that felt good. October has kicked off with cold temperatures and frosty cars, and even cleaning the floors beat going out of doors.

I finished reading The Gathering by Anne Enright. Throughout all if it my brain screamed at the top of it lungs: "How, oh HOW did this boring piece of sh*t win the Man Booker Prize?". Well, to be fair the ending wasn't half bad, it kind of took the whole disaster to a more elevated level, but still. What an endless yawn this was! Picked up White Male Heart by Ruaridh Nicoll last night, but I'm not sure what to make of it yet. Seems like it's a bit too much testosterone and guns for my liking, but let's see how it turns out.

Speaking of testosterone... the other day I arrived at the office, got into the elevator on the basement level, and expected no danger as the elevator halted on the first floor before continuing on to fourth where I work. Outside, however, stood three middle-aged men engaged in normal conversation... only, when they saw that the elevator was occupied by a woman they for some reason decided to double the volume of their discourse which suddenly took a turn into dirty jokes for the three floors I had to keep up with their company. I almost had to hold my ears (not exaggerating) and tell them to be quiet. When I arrived at my floor one of my (male) colleagues had tried to cook porridge in the microwave. Need I say more?

Now, I have not really turned into a man-hating monster over the last couple of days, but there's been a lot of gender focus lately. The MD of Audi in Finland got himself out of a job after making some rather outrageous statements in the media about how women are basically put on this earth to iron mens' shirts, give them blow jobs and wear high heels. It's ok if we want to work as long as we still remember to do those things. What bugs me is not that this bozo made ridiculous statements, but rather that his opinions have been long known in the car industry, but only when he made a big interview that could reflect badly on the precious Audi brand did it have any consequences. Double standard bullshit.

There. Got rid of some steam. I've washed the floors and moved things around and the apartment looks great. Forgot to do it wearing seven inch heels. Damnit, I guess I'm not much of a woman after all...

"You and I make a lovely shape,
two circles cubed draw a number 8."
Cloud Cult - 2x2x2 (The Meaning Of 8, 2007)

I Can See Your Halo

The blog has taken the back seat to other things during the last months. If it keeps up I might put it on hold all together, but for now I'll throw in another short update on life in general.

Florentin started school. (I'm living with a high school student. Go me! :D I will proceed to buy a red sports car and wear sunglasses inside at all times to go with my midlife crisis. ;-p) It's going well, and his Finnish is already so far better than mine it's scary.

The world's best Mansers brought forth a lovely future world leader by the name of Frances Lorelei, and she has the cutest little nose you ever saw. I don't want them to move, but it's not exactly like we mind putting more miles on the car to go see them.

Speaking of mileage, we've continued exploring Finland since we came back from the European tour. A couple of weeks back we travelled up to Jämsä to spend some time at the lakes there, we've spent several afternoons in Nuuksio, and this weekend we travelled via Kajaani up to Kuusamo and Lokka, before heading back through Rovaniemi and Kemi. Reindeers, lovely autumnal colors, a bit of alpaca yarn, music on the sound system and the kilometers warming up the Qashqai. Home is always best, though, and I think we'll spend the coming weekends in the Helsinki region. I'm travelling enough on business at the moment anyway...

Alongside, and perhaps because of, recent business trips to Stockholm, I built up a proper cold by the mid of last week which culminated in a relatively nonsensical fever session in Kajaani on Friday. Lost my voice Saturday morning and am still sounding like I'm strung out on bad whiskey and cigarettes. Meeting up with India-travel returnee Dave for beers tomorrow is bound to not help that at all :)

I've had a month and a half to get used to this new state of cohabitation. It's not easy, living with someone again after having the apartment to myself these last three and a half years. I can also feel how deeply the sense of loneliness from my attempt at a long distance relationship was lodged in my spine, and it is oh so difficult to shift. I think we're getting there, though. :)

"Hit me like a ray of sun burning through my darkest night.
You're the only one that I want, think I'm addicted to your light.
I swore I'd never fall again, but this don't even feel like falling.
Gravity can't forget to pull me back to the ground again."
Beyoncé - Halo (I Am... Sasha Fierce, 2008)

Unfinished Business

The obsession of this summer has been White Lies, no doubt. I ignored them for months and months, even though all kinds of people (even Miia!) has been trying to push them on me. I guess I figured that they were yet another band that kind of sounded like Interpol and people thought I should like.

Well, shame on me. They're great. And thankfully for me, Dave offered to get me a ticket for the Flow Festival where they were playing in Helsinki a couple of weeks back. So I've even seen them live. The sound was a bit poor to start with, and it was a bit too easy to notice that they haven't got good live versions down of their studio tracks yet, so it was a bit like watching the CD being performed on stage. However, with vocals like that combined with a small festival where you get really close to the stage, I can hardly complain. It was brilliant :)

Deb and David are about to become proud parents in just a matter of days, and although that means that the date of their moving to Turku is also drawing near, I can not wait to meet their little addition to the expatriate community. It is positively fascinating to have a pregnancy happening this close to my daily life, usually my friends have dropped sprogs in Norway while I've been here in Finland and hence I've missed it all!

IKEA have decided to discontinue my brand of Billy - beech. Makes perfect sense, when you look at it. I bet that's where the karma gods are balancing it all out. Have to figure out what to do about this, but there's a pirate company producing IKEA lookalike gadgets that might have something to contribute with in my time of distress. As if this was not upsetting enough, Bar 9 has changed the recipe of my favorite dish. Discontinuations all over the place!

"You whispered "Where are you?",
I questioned your doubt,
but soon realised, you were talking to God now."
White Lies - Unfinished Business (To Lose My Life, 2009)

I Want You To Trouble Me

I did a lot of this and that over the last week and a half, shortly summarized it pretty much comes down to music, beer, laughter, travelling, training (and bruising of the brain), working, swimming, sun worshipping, eating, more laughter, friends, love and warm(er) air (than usual).

I have a couple of basic issues to report:
- 30 degrees C in Finland does not mean that the water is warm.
- Peacocks (even Brittish ones) make a hell of a spectacle when they start screaming at night.
- People who work in factories think that the creativeness of Sales&Marketing people is bizarre.
- I'm cancelling my summer holiday trip to South America as there's been a change of plans.
- There are no Shell stations in Romania.

I watched Constantine for the fourth time on Sunday. Although Tilda Swinton's rendition of Gabriel is worth the watch, the movie is _not_ all that good. Anyway, this was the first time I noticed that APC's Passive is on the soundtrack, and it made me a little confused as it doesn't really fit in there. Oh, and Gavin Rossdale plays one of the demons. I've never reflected on that before either. Cute, that one, and I especially like the sleeziness with which he delivers his "finger-licking good".

Matchbox 20 made a brief re-appearance in my life this weekend as I listened to their More Than You Think You Are over a couple of days. I had a massive crush on Unwell back when it came out, and Downfall is also worth a listen. It's a pity Rob Thomas doesn't quite live up to his potential solo.

Fundamental question:
When faced with something scary, do you stay and face it, or do you turn your back and run as fast as you can? Lamb for slaughter or cowardly lion?

Oh, and I can't believe they just _lost_ a plane. How does that happen?

"Be my savior,
and I'll be your downfall."
Matchbox 20 - Downfall (More Than You Think You Are, 2002)

...And The Day Has Been Beautiful So Far

Hm. You figure; "Well, there's no way Norway's gonna win Eurovision this year, being favorites and all we're gonna end up at the bottom of the pile.", so you might as well host a party. The party was a brilliant congregation of prettily clad people, so although the goal of clearing large amounts of alcohol from my shelves backfired in a major way the evening was an unmitigated success. Wine party, anyone? Oh yes, and Norway won. Yay :)

The Gothminister concert last Friday was good fun as well. Me and Kjersti ended up ditching the warm-up act to have beers with Bjørn & co backstage until their gig started. It was nice to see Bjørn again, and Glenn being there was a pleasant surprise. The concert was the best I've seen them do so far, and Lotta and her friend who joined us were also up in flames over it all :)

Monday and Tuesday we had our country managers visiting, and the working days were spent in the training centre in Vantaa. Me and Sanna got to do a little sightseeing in outback Järvenpää in the evening before dinner, before I left to the airport to pick up my returnee Swiss friend.

A couple of thousand years ago Jesus made the choice to go back to his father's farm on a Thursday. As this was celebrated by having a day off yesterday, me and Florentin went off on a road trip to Kotka, a couple of hours drive east of Helsinki. We quite randomly stumbled upon a Kotka/Grankulla IFK football game, the Kotka aquarium (which I had no idea existed), a lovely park area along the Kotka river basin, and taking multiple detours on our way back we came upon an area of giant's kettles (pot holes) somewhere close to Askola. Yet another beautiful day :)

Today I am going to see IAMX in concert, and tomorrow there's the World Village festival here in Helsinki. I have a couchsurfer inbound from Tallinn tomorrow morning who will only stay one night, but I am nevertheless quite excited about hearing his story. Next week I'm off to Cranfield for three days of training.

This is another one of those "first I did this, and then I did that, and then..." posts, but I don't have time to think through any deeper matters at the moment. Life is good :)

"I'm here with you, driving in your car,
and the day has been beautiful so far."
Bertine Zetlitz - Beautiful So Far (Beautiful So Far, 2000)

Come Back To Me

I wrote this post a couple of days ago but yanked it down right after posting as I figured it was a bit over the top happy even for my current state of mind. On closer inspection, however, it is quite fitting.

Some weeks back I had a conversation about how things have a tendency of sorting themselves out. Whether I was born under a lucky star or perhaps my paying off debt to karma is working out, I don't know, but somehow things do fall into place for me. Not without hickups, but still, if someone steals your last dollar bill and then the next day you win the lottery, you're able to recover from the loss quite quickly, right? If I am a lion or any other predatory feline, at least I can trust I will always land on my two feet ;)

Today my apartment will be invaded by men in suits and women in dresses for this year's Eurovision. Can't wait, especially to see all my lovely girlfriends all dressed up in the same room! :)

Life, ladies and gentlemen, can not even be said to be good right now. It's as close to perfection as I think it gets. The picture above of Tiia, Scott and Dave pretty much sums it up, I think :)

"Your voice it keeps pursuing me,
and I should have acted differently, I know."
Minor Majority - Come Back To Me (Reasons To Hang Around, 2006)

...When I Ruled The World

Blogging's not really working out for me at the moment. I don't know why, there just doesn't seem to be anything that wants to be put into words. Or rather, whatever there is it seems to be too much of an entangled mess to be sorted out properly.

A couple of things could be noted, however.
I had my yearly appraisal discussion with my manager this week. It was quite good, but it left me a bit ambivalent when it comes to my future. When I moved to Finland I figured it would be for two years. Then I took my current position, and I figured that would be for two years. So come next April, what do I do - do I stay or do I leave? Truth is, I have no idea. I guess I'm waiting for someone to tell me, although I know well that's not going to happen (and even if it did I probably wouldn't listen).

I'm going to see Gothminister-Bjørn in Nosturi tomorrow (to the right, looking scary backstage with bananas). Before that I'm hooking up with the Norwegian crowd for a pre-May 17th dinner after work (the picture above is of Audun and Kjersti in Iguana). And, I have to get through both of these things without getting tipsy as I am hosting an Eurovision party on Saturday that I need to fix things for. What am I thinking? I don't know, but Sunday will be spent in a fun induced coma.

I don't really know why, but I feel a bit thinly stretched right now. So, off to bed. Sleep tight, world.

"I discovered that my castles stand
upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand."
Coldplay - Viva La Vida (Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends, 2008)

Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?

Uhm...

The Next Plane Out

Some days back, whilst having a cigarette in our lovely smoking room at work, someone said something about loneliness. True to form, Miia picked up a word and started singing. To my gargantuan surprise, what came out this time around was a Celine Dion tune! And not just any tune, a rather random one from The Colour of My Love, and of course I also know it by heart. I think Kjersti almost had a brain bleed right there and then, and I do feel a little uncomfortable quoting it at the end of this post. Anyway, nice to know I'm not the only one hauling around song lyrics I have little use for in my head.

My Swiss friend left Finland on Thursday, taking a substantial part of my equilibrium with him across the Baltic Sea to Rostock. All evening and most of the day on Friday I was one hundred percent sure I would never ever take the chance of letting a couchsurfer into my life again if they would keep on leaving with fragments of my soul, but quite unexpectedly I already Saturday morning headed into town to pick up Bianca and Emilie, two German girls who needed adopting. As I was not really prepared to host this weekend, both mentally and timewise, they were left to their own devices most of the time, but I think they managed well. I took them to Bar 9, of course, and then onto an unofficial CS event at Olutkellari where Rock Delusion did a bunch of covers and loads of smiles were to be seen. Good times!

I'm starting to wonder if the invasion of German speakers into my life over the last couple of months should be telling me something. My understanding of the language is getting better by the day, but with the speaking I am still too impatient to pick it up again. It frustrates me to have to search for the words and to know I'm not getting the grammar right. Maybe it's time to sign up for a refreshment course.

I am so restless!

"I listen to the sound of the rain falling down my window,
praying for a gentle wind to bring my baby back again.
Trying to be strong, but I'm not getting any stronger,
loneliness is tearing apart this heart of mine."
Celine Dion - Next Plane Out (The Colour Of My Love, 1993)

I Don't Know What More To Ask For

Sometimes people make me proud. A few days back, the Norwegian minister of foreign affairs decided not to follow some of his Nordic colleagues out the door in protest as their Iranian counterpart went on an anti-semitic speech spree in the UN. I have no doubt his brain was bleeding as much as theirs were, but as he was the next speaker on the list he chose to remain seated and instead spoke up against the debacle of it all when his time came. I respect that. Neither choice could have been especially easy, but the fact that he took a verbal stand in a forum where people deem it politically dangerous to critizise is a good thing. People should do that more, silence is not the way.

What about me? Do I take a stand on issues I burn for? I think I do, although I could probably do it more actively. Take animal rights, for instance, or gender balance in business. When I first came to Finland I tried a couple of times to volunteer for animal shelters, but they did not want people who didn’t speak Finnish. I think that is a bit strange, as the animals that need help basically couldn’t care less if the person who shows them love has language skills that keep her from saying much other than color combinations, “A beer, please!” and “I have red curtains.”. I’ll try again, a bit more ardently this time around. Fortunately I work in a company where gender politics are not really an issue as we have an impressive amount of female managers considering the industry we operate in.

Other times I might have too much action in me. It’s hard for me to burn for something and keep quiet about it even though I know it can create a mess to speak up. If people treat my friends wrongly, for instance, I go all up in flames and have a hard time settling down, even though sometimes I have to. I should probably let them fight their own causes in peace, but then again I want my friends to burn as hotly for me when something goes pear-shaped.

I haven’t written about individual versus society in a while, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately. Are we inherently good, and if so is it the presence of others that negates that potential in us? No matter how much I try to shake my disbelief in the human race, experience won’t let me. Someone always gets hurt, no action lacks consequence, and no word spoken disappears without a trace. So, if a certain amount of hurt will always be the outcome, is that necessarily bad? Something always has to go to create progress, right? No spring without winter, no life without death, etc.

I think that life is too short to sit on the fence. Inaction, complacency and passiveness annoy me as if they were offences against life itself. We’ve been given this tiny fragment of time to do something with, and it’s almost insulting to me that some people choose to make so little of it. I love my passion for things, it’s what drives me! I try to not be too scared to follow my ideas or to make choices that might end up bruising me. Lack of self preservation instinct, you say? I don’t think so, I think I am just lucky enough to know that bruises heal, both mine and others’, and that there is too much to earn by burning, loving, laughing and taking leaps of faith to not. After all, what else is there?

“It’s about you and the sun,
a morning run,
the story of my Maker,
what I have and what I ache for.”
Röyksopp – What Else Is There? (The Understanding, 2005)

Want III

Yeah, so I don't know about the mixing my blog with my fiction project. Might leave it with that one attempt :)

Today is an utterly lovely Sunday in Espoo. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and the good trend of sleeping through the full night has not worn off. I have to admit, though, that it'll be kind of nice to close this week. Heading over to Emilia's place in a short while to drop off some stuff, and then going to the movies tonight to see Moodysson's Tillsammans.

After Hanne left on Monday I spent the day moping around and staring at the walls, before deciding to hook up with Anu for Bar 9 chicken. Scott and Kjersti joined us, and Tuesday was tired. Wednesday me, Kjersti and Emilia rejoined the lovely world of the Cullens at Emilia's place, and there was no end to the giggling. I then went to Cuba to meet up with Dave and Kaisu, and of course that got way too late. Thursday was a right disaster as the NNE what-ever-it-is-that-goes-around thing decided to hit me in the face, but I was back in good form on Friday, just in time to make a not-really-planned-for appearance in Bruuveri.

Yesterday I was working on cleaning up some of my bad karma, and took Kjersti and Emilia to IKEA. Now, of all the things to do on a Saturday this _better_ earn me some points in someone's book! A short run later (Sanna has successfully managed to get me onto a running program) I was happy to be informed that Dave's Wolves have qualified for the Premier League next season. More company for football in Elmo next season! Yay :D He ended up coming over to my place for some past midnight celebratory wine, and by that my weekend without alcohol was officially without doubt a failure.

I'm trying to come up with a new obsession or two. I'm thinking jigsaw puzzles. I like'em, and I have enough floor space to do one of the really, really big ones. Maybe, if I'm determined, I'll stick with the running long enough for that to grow on me. I miss swimming, but I'm struggling to motivate myself to get up at six in the morning now that my sleeping is in order again. In any case, there's always more music, more books, more movies and more people. Lust for life, baby :)

"I want the sky to fall in,
I want lightning and thunder.
I want blood instead of rain,
I want the world to make me wonder.
I want to walk on water,
take a trip to the moon.
Give me all this and give me it soon."
The Cure - Want (Wild Mood Swings, 1996)

Maybe You're Better Off This Way

My CD collection has a big, gaping Tool-shaped hole in it according to a lot of people, but Maynard's main project never really got me going. A Perfect Circle, on the other hand, got under my skin back in 2001 when 3 Libras was released on single, and I ended up buying Mer De Noms (2000). At some point I have also acquired a copy of their 2004 album, Emotive, although I do not think I've listened to it more than a couple of times.

Four days with Hanne got me through a good amount of records, including Emotive, and ohmygod, how have I not picked up the Maynard/Trent connection? How? It is actually a shame to put an actual blog text in a post dedicated to this song as it should speak for itself, so I might have to run it again with only the lyrics. Because sometimes, the world still burns, and songs like this makes me want to burn with it, to erase all traces of passiveness, complacency and cowardliness that rub off from others.

Every so often everyone needs someone to tell them to get a grip and remember who they are. I've slept through every one of the last five nights without my insomnia rearing its ugly head.
Enough said.

"Wake up and face me,
don't play dead, cause maybe
someday I will walk away and say;
"You fucking disappoint me!"
Maybe you're better off this way."
A Perfect Circle - Passive (eMOTIVe - 2004)

Apartment Story

Today is the last year of this year's Easter break, and what a good one it has been! Thursday morning I only did a couple of hours in the office before heading over to Vantaa to pick up the person who knows me best in this world from the airport. This was to be Hanne's first time in Finland and my first attempt at merging Oslo and Helsinki.

Thursday brought with it some sightseeing, starting with the white church and the national library (have you not been to the latter, just get your behind moving and go!), followed by a Cafè Engel lunch and a trip to the Russian orthodox cathedral (turned out to be closed). The weather was all sunny and nice, but for some reason all the winds of the world had decided to gather forces in Helsinki on this day. We also managed to squeeze in the Johannes church and a walk about the Helsinki design museum before we ended the sightseeing session to go home and get ready for the evening's adventures.

Thursday night Lotta and Dave joined us at my place for drinks before we headed into town to see Combichrist in Gloria. I was a little baffled by the amounts of people that had donned their gothest outfits - it was almost like someone had picked out all the fanciest Arvika people and placed them in the same room. I wore jeans and pink sneakers. Hm. There's a good amount of what I'd call "pink goths" here, the ones that kinda pick some neon color to go with black and stick with it, hair, clothes and make-up and all.

The first warm-up act combined industrial with accordion. Very bizarre, and the white, tight pants worn by the singer made it a little difficult to focus on pleasantness. The second warm-up act was voluntarily missed due to beeriness in the bar regions of the club. There was some good DJ'ing going on in between the two. Combichrist delivered one of the better concerts I've seen with them, although I suddenly towards the end got really fed up with their inane woman-bashing lyrics. That arrogant little prick of a man has no right flinging the vocabulary he does at a room full of strong females! (As said, I was fed up.)

Friday I introduced Hanne to the loveliness of Bar no 9, and to my great pleasure she had to admit the lemon chicken is everything I said it was. Later in the day we drove out to Deb and David's for the first BBQ of the season. Other guests were their lovely neighbours and Ellen, who I will be a little sad to see going back to the States at the end of April.

Saturday I had to make a judgement call on whether or not to continue the social attack, and ended up deciding to give us a break from new people. Well, almost. We went out to meet Anu and her friend Laura at Bar 9, which was lovely as I hadn't seen her in ages, before going to Dong Bei Hu for Chinese dinner.

Dong Bei Hu used to be located right across the street from where Scott lives. I've only eaten there once, as I was horribly disappointed by the fact that the "most authentic Chinese restaurant in Helsinki" produced the same generic crap all the rest of them do. They have moved, and something favorable has kicked in cooking wise.

I had gan bian si ji dou (dry-fried green beans), a dish that alongside the gan bian'ed beef has driven me to return to China several times, and it was spot on! They went a little over the top on the Sechuan peppercorns, but as the spiciness is exactly what has me so addicted to this dish I was fine with it. The meal was smiles and happiness all around :)

The rest of Saturday was spent in the sun on my balcony with good wine and beer, and me and Hanne ended up talking long into the wee hours of the next morning. Sunday was somewhat more tired, and we basically did nothing. Well, not entirely true... we watched some movies and I got Hanne knitting! :D

As I drove her to the airport this morning, I have to admit being a little sad that Hanne was leaving. Just like I can't imagine what my life would be like without some of my friends here in Finland, she is irreplaceable and I sometimes don't realise how much I miss her in my daily life.
Takk for besøket :)

"So worry not,
we'll be all right.
We have our looks
and perfume on."
The National - Apartment Story (The Boxer - 2007)

When You'd Hide, Your Songs Would Die

I am still a little out of sorts, but I watched Garden State, and have had some nice hours of music therapy on the floor in front of my CD shelves. When I was a child my mother would sometimes turn off all the lights, light candles, lie down on the floor and listen to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. I don't think I ever reflected on why she would feel a need to do that back then, but I will try to remember to tell her that I loved it and that it's a great way to regain composure.

After a couple of beers with friends this afternoon I have to admit to having a slight buzz going, which is good. I'll give myself another couple of days to wallow in this misplaced autumnal feeling before Hanne's arrival to Helsinki, but then we're back to spring. It'll be fascinating to attempt a merger of my old Oslo self and the Helsinki C. Then again, maybe the two are not all that different, one just knows more about cause and consequence.

"So what if you catch me,
where would we land?"
Remy Zero - Fair (Villa Elaine, 1998)

Who Am I?

Last night Dave arranged what will go down in history as the best tasting of shitty beer ever. 14 people were experimenting their way through a total of 25 different beers, none of which were particularily good. He finally had a chance to prove his point about the quality of Finnish beer, and although lacking in good drinks it was a great evening due to a brilliant congregation of people. I really like this picture of Scott, he looks like he's up to no good :)

I am feeling blue. Hug, anyone?

"And as you were, you'll be again,
to mold like clay, to break like dirt,
to tear me up in your sympathy.
You were never meant to belong to me."
Smashing Pumpkins - Crestfallen (Adore, 1998)

A Phoenix Out Of Fire Flames II

I had a very lovely e-mail waiting for me when I got home this afternoon. It reads:
"Hello dear!
If I told you I was falling in love with you, would you catch me? ..."

Apparently a young gentleman from Holland found an old profile of mine on a book review site, and decided to sweep in and f*ck me sideways with this mindblowing line. I am sure no-one will be surprised that I have decided to leave my job and friends and go to live with him in his little opium den in Rotterdam. I imagine I will be somewhat unreachable the first four-five years as I plan to enter into the serial-pregnancy phase of my life. Hopefully my smoking, drinking and testing out the joys of various funghi will not give me problems in this era. Should my beloved pass away due to unexpected (or drug related) circumstances, I am confident my good friends in Finland will lodge me once my money and health runs out.

Meanwhile, in the real world, Norwegian newspapers were happy to announce this morning that Burt Bacharach is coming to Oslo. Who would have thought he was even still alive?

"He came riding fast like a phoenix out of fire flames.
He came dressed in black with a cross bearing my name.
He came bathed in light and the splendor and glory.
I can't believe what the lord has finally sent me."
PJ Harvey - The Dancer (To Bring You My Love, 1995)

We Won't Need A Map, Believe Me

The company I work for has a financial year that starts in April, meaning today is basically our New Years Eve, only with less party and more stress. And, in true spirit, it has been a hectic one. I am starting to breathe normally now, and I think my pulse has come down to what can possibly be called a healthy level, but Christ! What a mess of a day. Let's hope the coming year treats my industry with softer gloves.

It's spring! This morning a very energetic pheasant was running around outside my building, and this wonderful bird caused me to arrive at work late. I still want my hour back, as it is difficult to wake up on time. Amazing what a difference 1 hour makes!

One thing that never stops fascinating me about spring is the rush of hormones to the head. Everywhere I go people are all caught up in new dating schemes and trying to figure out whom to build their summer around. One of my best friends in Finland is on the most thrilling adrenaline high I've ever seen from having her mojo back after a couple of rather... dry winter months, and it rubs off on the rest of us whether we want it to or not. We are so much like animals, aren't we?

Laws of attraction in general amuse me. I've previously blogged about how I figured it had something to do with the sense of smell. For me I know it's mostly down to words, which is probably why I like song lyrics and books so much. The fact that I like living in a country where most people keep silent is off course a contradiction in terms, but nevertheless that's how I operate. Others are visual creatures, and I guess there's an element in that for all of us.

How handy it would be if we could find a way to roadmap ourselves and how we relate to others. Confusion and nervousness would be a memory of the past, and there would be no need for mind games. Then again, that would negate our need for words, wouldn't it, and there would be no mystery left... so strike that. Things are fine the way they are.

Anyway, spring is here and it brought pheasants! :)

"Now let my body do the moving,
and let my hands do the soothing.
Let me show you the world in my eyes."
Depeche Mode - World In My Eyes (Violator, 1990)

Let Me In Your Window

Another busy week is drawing to an end, and Finland has finally caught up with the summer time adjustment. That means I have one hour less to get through the sh*tload of stuff I have to do today, but I guess that could easily be remedied by me not writing blog posts, so there shall be no more moaning about that.

I went to Oslo on business on Friday, and had agreed with Hanne that I'd spend a night at her place. We had a very nice evening with wine, thai food, bad tv and catching up, and I'm really looking forward to having her over for Easter. (Many Finns seem to think the name of this holiday is Eastern, not sure why or if they think it has anything to do with the direction.)

Last night Sebastian's birthday party was celebrated with a lot of noise and little sense. Because I value the way my head is attached to my neck, I'll refrain from posting many pictures, but this one of a headbanging Miia kind of sums up the general splendor of it all.

Yesterday I finished reading Wuthering Heights. I don't know why I thought this book would be along the lines of Austen's romantic works, because it's not at all. I knew little about this book apart from the fact that Kate Bush wrote her first hit based on it, with one of the world's most misheard lyrics. I have to say that although getting through it takes a lot of alone time, it is worth the effort. Some books are classics because someone decided they should be, but this one is a good book. Am going to work my way through Jane Eyre next, I might as well do the Brontë sisters properly while I'm at it.

Finland was again seized by winter and cold yesterday, but now it seems the badness is melting away quickly. I can't wait for it to be warm enough for long Sundays on a blanket in the park with a great book and music in my ears. The indoors life is getting to me this year, I feel restless and kind of like I'm in danger of wasting precious time. My limbs need a good stretch, my skin some warmth, and my mind a bit of sun :)

Oh, and I need blinder curtains and a volunteer to hang them for me!

"Out on the winding, windy moors,
we'd roll and fall in green.
You had a temper like my jealousy,
too hot, too greedy.
How could you leave me
when I needed to possess you?
I hated you, but loved you, too."
Kate Bush - Wuthering Heights (The Kick Inside, 1978)

If God Leant His Voice For Me To Speak

After The Keep, I started reading The Name of the Wind, a fantasy thing by Patrick Rothfuss. This took me more than a month to finish, as it is simply not a very good book. The story did manage to get me interested at some point during my flight to Seattle, and from then on it was smooth sailing, but you shouldn't have to force yourself through a hundred pages to get to such a point. He has a Tolkien thing going on (he thinks), and then he mixes in all kinds of D&D weirdness. Worst thing is it's just the first book of a series, so I don't even know how the story ends.

A few days into my stay in Seattle, I was very happy to pick up the next chapter in my growing obsession with Paul Auster. Having read his Travels in the Scriptorium and The Book of Illusions, I had great hopes for Timbuktu. Aaaand, he scores! Mr. Bones is the canine companion of slightly deranged (and homeless) Willy G. Christmas, who has come down with a rather unfortunate case of being about to die from some lung related ugliness.

Now, this is no ordinary mutt we're talking about here, Mr. Bones _knows_ what's going on. He understands human language, he thinks human language, and he remembers all the things you would expect a man's best friend to recollect. Unfortunately, the world doesn't always look upon homeless doggies with the kindest of eyes, and his life turns into a veritable whirlwind of difficult circumstances. If you, like me, believe dogs to have souls and minds of their own, and even better, if you enjoy other pieces of Auster's authorship, there's no need to think twice about picking up this book.

This evening I believe I will be able to finish Emily Brontë's Wuthering Heights. No, I never read it when I was in school. Yes, it is bleak and depressing. Yes, I still like it.

I had another run-in with my old friend Insomnia last night, one of the worst encounters in years. I undoubtedly added to the severity of it by drinking coffee too late in the evening, after giving up on the drink months ago for this very reason. The result was lying awake until 04:30 in the morning, when I finally drifted off just to wake up three hours later in horrible shape for this morning's meetings.

"If I had one wish fulfilled tonight,
I'd ask for the sun to never rise.
If God leant his voice for me to speak,
I'd say "Go to bed, world."."
The Cardigans - 03.45: No Sleep (Long Gone Before Daylight, 2003)

I've Changed My Name Again

Saturday Miia arranged a trip to Hartwall Arena, to see local hockey team Jokerit beaten by her hometown team Kärpät. Myself, Miia, Willem, Kjersti, Emilia, Sebastian and Margus set off, some of us without any idea of what we were getting into, and a couple of us a little scared. We'd heard scary stories of the violence surrounding Finnish hockey games, but luckily we saw little of it. What we did see, however, was a very entertaining game that got me a little sold on this sport that I've always hated. How very unexpected :)

After the game we ended up in Kaisla nonsensing the night away with a lot of happy cheering and beer, and Sunday morning was a horrible struggle. As the day proceeded, however, life picked itself up quite a bit, and the evening was spent with The Magnetic Fields, candles and a lovely glass of a 2005 Rosso Conero I've been saving for a rainy day.

Sometimes the good times come sneaking up on me out of nowhere :)
There is beauty in everything.

"Are you the trouble I've been looking for?"
The Magnetic Fields - The Trouble I've Been Looking For (Holiday, 1994)